she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
