All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
