Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
