and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
did i walk over a car last night?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
