Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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