; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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