Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
