I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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