I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
