dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
