if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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