You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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