just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
