Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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