Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Damn victory sex feels great
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
