five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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