Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
