I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
