Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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