I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
