and you said cock pushups were impossible
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
