when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
