You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
