ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
