If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
