Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
