So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
