I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
