I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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