so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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