That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
