He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Let's get the cat blown out
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
