Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
