I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
