I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
