I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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