I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
