I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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