Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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