Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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