someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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