I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
