Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Dicks are not precious.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
