Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
