we have officially mastered the walk of shame
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
