My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
