On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
