i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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