Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
