Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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