It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
